Cup racism

Sometimes when I’m just walking down streets in public I wont exactly follow the perfect “your out in public” persona. Its like, “YOUR OUT IN PUBLIC!!!” kind of like an annual thing where people allow me to escape from my cage in my bedroom and allow me to be free amongst people.

Normal people walk down the street with friends or other people, even alone, and don’t converse with strangers or look anyone in the eye directly. Unless you’re me.

When I walk down a street, even in a car or something; I’m constantly looking at people walking down a cement pavement look so inconspicuous. Then I strike.

I yell at them, and tell them that I like their hair, or even that I like their bag, they usually get weirded out or cross the street and try to block me out of their minds, ignoring me completely.

This is when I get creative, sometimes I won’t even know what I’m yelling at them, if it even makes sense or not, it’ll sometimes come out in a jumble of words and if they didn’t hear me correctly I get awkward and run away. Kinda like

“ILIKEYOURHATTODAYITSQUITELOVELY…IWISHIHADONEJUSTLIKEIT”

“what did you say?” *PENETRATING LOOK THAT COULD SHOOT A FLYING RHINO OUT OF THE SKY*

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” *runs away*

I believe I had this one guy chase me down and ask me specifically what I just said. I don’t quite understand why he needed to know, but I was frightened and when I told him I was just complimenting his tie he was like

“Oh… okay I thought you were someone else then”

WHO DID YOU THINK I WAS MYSTERY MAN? WHO?! YOUR MOM?! THE SECRET FEDERAL AGENT SOCIETY OF ORANGES?! WHOOOOOO?? I’VE NEVER BEEN MORE CONFUSED MAN-WITH-A-NICE-TIE!

So then I ran away again, and I didn’t want to go past that street again in worrisome that he would suspect me of spying and shooting me with a laser canon the size of a pocket mouse. I’ve seen Men In Black….0

This one time I was home my dad asked me to do the dishes, so I got up, tiresomely, and I did the dishes. I didn’t just do the dishes, but I just put things where they would usually go.

About an hour or so goes by,

And I was on the computer, when I heard my name being called.

“REEEEEEEEEESE”

I got up and followed the voice, which was in the kitchen, my dad was standing next to the cupboard looking at the cups, “Look at the cups, tell me whats wrong” he said.

I went up, and there wasn’t really anything wrong.

Then he said; “the blue and white are mixed! Keep it with blue on the top out of reach and white in the middle cupboard where we can reach it.”

My dads cup racist.

I organized them, but I felt really bad :/

I used to love math, math was like my BITCH I was so amazing at it I was a kid that was high on subtraction and adding... even though I never really got division, I loved to multiply.

Somewhere along the lines (X's and Y's probably) I lost interest and now if someone even bring up math I treat it like the bubonic plague and I try to run from it or act like a crazed cat and scratch the tits out of the question before putting down "the X IS RIGHT HERE" with an arrow.

Or sometimes I answer it with "I DON'T KNOW WHY BILLI WOULD NEED SO MANY PUMPKINS WHAT IS HE GOING TO DO? OPEN UP A THROW THIS SMALLER PUMPKIN AT A BIGGER PUMPKIN?! THAT'S RIDICULOUS HE DOESN'T NEED PUMPKINS LEAVE ME ALONE" I do not understand D:

Math is the only time such ridiculous questions can come up and you have to answer them. A lot of the time, if I didn’t feel like knowing the answer or doing the work I’d write out my own impression of the answer.

Enjoy these few that I found on Google and answered:

Be Nice to Your Printer

So yesterday I was texting my friend, his name is Danny, and we were talking. Talking about raptors, and not just raptors but raptoring up some toast. And not like cutting the toast so it looked like a raptor, but eating the toast LIKE a raptor! Kinda like, NOMNOM NOM GNARSH NOM!

Anyways he didn’t understand and I don’t understand how you cant understand what eating toast like a raptor was. So I took his incompetence as a sign, a sign that he didn’t understand how it was funny.

It was funny because raptors don’t eat toast, raptors are meat-eaters, what I said to him shouldn’t have made sense. But it did, it made sense in a funny way because a raptor eating toast is like barney eating a child. It doesn’t make sense, because barney only molests children, he doesn’t eat them!

He said he understood how it was funny, but if you understand how something is funny you should really type in “lol” afterwards or else you get blogged about. Consider yourself warned. Also I will probably text you back and explain how you’re a terrible person and should really learn to not be so serious.

Serious uni-brow man, remember him? Well that’s people who don’t type “lol”

Another thing is, I wrote a 3000 (almost) worded poem and I wanted to print it off, a 3000 (almost) worded poem is a long ass poem. It was 15 pages long, not just cause it was 3000 (almost) words, but because of the format I put it in! (poetic format) Think Ellen Hopkins, cept on repeat mostly, like her recent book ‘Tricks’. (Product placement isn’t smiled upon and I hate myself I know I know!)

Anyways, so I went to print it off, and I was really tired and I would have printed it off on a heavy duty printer as school… cept I didn’t want to, I wanted to prove I was efficient enough to print it off my really super old printer that looks like an old man. Sounds like one too.

So I clicked buttons and my printer came alive, but it sounded angry, as if I’d woken it up from some 1000 year old sleep, and it was deranged. It started making several other noises, it almost sounded like the devil was manifesting itself in my printer and telling me its unholy bindings were set free and now it would reap ink upon the world.

But in this case I egged the printer on to print off a whole 15 pages worth of writing. It sounded angry and when I tried to say “YAY!” and support it because it was such a good printer… it just got more pissed and pretty much told me to fuck off.

I’m sorry if I offended you printer. Needless to say my printer did excellent and I got the pages printed. I was excited and I kissed my printer (not really, I just blew it a kiss) and I told it that it was excellent and a good printer and I loved it. And I do love my printer. However when I went to turn it off it growled and went back into hibernation, so I’m starting to think I have a bear-devil-printer and its goal in life is to eat me in my sleep.

 And you know how your REALLY thirsty and you go to your kitchen and your all "OH I REALLY WANT A DRINK RIGHT NOW BECAUSE THAT WOULD SUFFICE MY NEEDS OF DRYYYY THROOOAATTTIINEESSSSS AND MY STOMACH AT THE SAME TIME!!!"

However.. sometimes your like; "IM THIRSTY, BUT IM NOT... I NEED SOMETHING TO SUFFICE MY BEING THIRSTY" and you know you just ate or something so you cant have something too heavy, but your also like.. water would be so disgusting right now!

I decided to write about this because i just found myself wandering around my kitchen for 10 minutes trying to decide what liquid to shove down my throat in a terrible attempt to sate that beverage demon inside my throat.

So, i was all like "ahh milk yeah!" but i just ate and milk is really heavy and drinking it is like thick as 10 glasses of water and i'd end up not liking it and my stomach would remain unhappy all like "i just ate why are you torturing me with more half-food liquid that i need to digest with the pizza?? :("

so i decided milk was not okay.

Then i was like "what if i add chocolate to it stomach?"
and it was all like "but its still milk.... i know it'd taste good and the beverage demon would be appeased.. BUT I WILL MAKE YOU THROW UP YOUR INTESTINES BETCH!"

so chocolate milk was out.

notice how im using the elimination process? yeah that DOES come in use.

Moving on... then i was all like "water! water is always okay, especially since i keep a lot of it in the fridge (i need lots of water due to my heart condition since pop isnt really always an option i need water to suffice myself usually as a replacement for sugery drinks...) ANYWAYS, but then i was like "wow water would be so gross right now" because my throat is having a spasm in the back where its like "IF YOU DRINK WATER YOUR GOING TO TASTE DISGUSTINGNESS" and its just unpleasent and unwanted and makes me feel bad.

Water was out of the question because i dont like the unpleasentness.

So then i would have had orange juice... if my dad hadnt drank it all.
I was angry at that.

But then i was like "i could have pop!"
But have you ever had it where it was like "RAGE AGAINST FIZZ"?? thats how i felt, it was a rage against the fizz and i didnt want fizz no matter what. it was like if i fed the beverage demon fizz it'd be okay... but too much fizz would make my stomach hate me for life and possible throwing-up-ness would occur. My stomach is like a fragile kitten, but if it wants to scratch the tits out of me it will!!!

So pop was out.

and then.. IT CAME TO ME! i could still have pop! however! if i didnt want fizz i could just stick icecubes in it! ICECUBES SUCK UP FIZZ AND ADD WATER AND MAKE IT MORE FLAT! but only when the icecubes are half meltedness, then it actually tastes like half-flat pop, and cold too, which makes me happy.

and that is what i was drinking. Half alive pop that was not really appeasing me. The beverage demon however is appeased and my stomach is okay, still quivering because im sure it wants cookies too. But everything is okay otherwise.