Orphan Fetuses Are the Next Gun.

I’m afraid of people, there I said it, I’m afraid of people, remember in my other post how I said I love to go out in public and frighten people with my upholstery randomness? Well I do! I love doing that don’t get me wrong! But remember, that’s with COMPLETE strangers, people who are my age and who I might run into again in the future are people who I’m a-scared of!

            It’s like, people who hear me wrong, or people who just are rude in general, yes they make me angry, but in a way that’s silent and frightened.

            For example, today I was enjoying lunch on the opposite side of town with my friends and then these girls thought I called their other friend a “bitch” and I was like ‘IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY’ I really had nothing else to say because I was frightened for my life.

            When there’s a group of girls who scare the shit out of you so much that you just want to pee… EVERYWHERE, you don’t necessarily speak back, or yell at them. It’s kind of like… I had the feeling if I spoke back they’d all turn around and eat my soul. I’m a ginger, so someone eating my soul is not only impossible but it’s frightening to know the process can reverse.

            Not to mention a lot of them looked like they were ready to shank me repeatedly with orphan babies that were not even born yet and were just little fetuses. THEY WERE GOING TO BEAT ME UP WITH ORPHAN FETUSES!

But in the end we made up and the WORLD WAS HAPPY.

            On a different subject, MY DOG HAD PUPPIES

Yes that is my best drawing of them and i know they look like they all have some viral patchy-disease.

            On a separate note; a good way to spend the day is just Zelda and 2 pounds of chocolate and one other person and a computer with internet access, because my sister and I were doing this last weekend and it worked out perfectly.

           

            Oh and happy mothers day.

            On a separate note ever hear people who say “I’m so for cancer!” Now I know they mean well, they fight cancer I’m sure.

            Or DO they?!

            When they say “Were for cancer” doesn’t that mean their WITH cancer, that means they don’t want to STOP the growth of cancer, they want it to continue! Same with any other disease! Everyone’s all like “were so for syphilis, or herpes! Or even metapause” I know metapause isn’t a disease, but y’know.  

            I’m drinking Orange pop… I DON’T EVEN LIKE ORANGE POP!!! D: 

LOOK AT THIS PUPPY

            I would like to introduce you all to someone, HIS NAME IS Watour-Meal-on (for short we’ll call him watermelon!), he is a boy and he is my age. He’s kinda random, kinda not at the same time, but he’s a cutie all the same.

            Anyways he has this problem. This problem is that HE FUCKING LOVES MY GIGGLE, WHAT IS THAT?! He’s not my boyfriend he’s just a good friend don’t worry, but the thing is; HE REALLY FUCKING LOVES MY GIGGLE SO HE PRETENSIOUSLY TICKLES ME. ALL. THE. TIME.

            If you’ve ever heard me giggle, it’s a cross between a YAK coughing for air and a run over dying kitty on the road! So thinking its cute is just; NO.

            But it’s okay because he is a very entertaining person, I mean, he has a lot of penis jokes but that’s cause he’s a boy. I think we had a discussion the other day about music and I think decapitating people… that may not have been him….

            ON A LIGHTER NOTE!!!

            Its May, the beginning of May! If you put your finger in someone else’s belly button for more than 10 seconds its considered rape.

            But its only funny for 3 seconds, after 5 it’s kinda dragged, at 7 its awkward and at 9 it’s EXTREMELY awkward, and when you reach ten again ITS FUNNY.

            I went to Toronto in Ontario to go to the science center, with my class of course, but y’know, it wasn’t really that amusing, but y’know. I TOOK LOTS OF PHOTOS.

            Not like; “look a building” photo, or the “Gather in front of this sign and we’ll all smile” photo, but a “HEY LOOK IM ON A BUS,” Photo followed by a “NOW IM DRINKING, DRINKING BLOOD!”

            Speaking of which I am cold, this is my face:

            I’m cold because my sister refused to give me my house coat, and it was unfair, and I’m too nice to FORCIVELY RIP IT FROM HER HANDS, so I have to stay cold.

            Our conversation kinda went like this:

            Me: I want my house coat, why are you wearing it?

            Her: You don’t need it your wearing a sweater.

            Me: the sweater is thin, I want my house coat, you have a perfectly good house coat downstairs in your room.

            Her: but I’m too lazy to get it, why don’t you get it for me? J

            Me: but I don’t wanna go downstairs.

            Her: well neither do i!

            Me: well its my house coat so please can I have it back?

            Her: LOOK AT MY PUPPY ISNT IT CUTE?!

I’m not kidding, that’s literally how it went.

Cup racism

Sometimes when I’m just walking down streets in public I wont exactly follow the perfect “your out in public” persona. Its like, “YOUR OUT IN PUBLIC!!!” kind of like an annual thing where people allow me to escape from my cage in my bedroom and allow me to be free amongst people.

Normal people walk down the street with friends or other people, even alone, and don’t converse with strangers or look anyone in the eye directly. Unless you’re me.

When I walk down a street, even in a car or something; I’m constantly looking at people walking down a cement pavement look so inconspicuous. Then I strike.

I yell at them, and tell them that I like their hair, or even that I like their bag, they usually get weirded out or cross the street and try to block me out of their minds, ignoring me completely.

This is when I get creative, sometimes I won’t even know what I’m yelling at them, if it even makes sense or not, it’ll sometimes come out in a jumble of words and if they didn’t hear me correctly I get awkward and run away. Kinda like

“ILIKEYOURHATTODAYITSQUITELOVELY…IWISHIHADONEJUSTLIKEIT”

“what did you say?” *PENETRATING LOOK THAT COULD SHOOT A FLYING RHINO OUT OF THE SKY*

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” *runs away*

I believe I had this one guy chase me down and ask me specifically what I just said. I don’t quite understand why he needed to know, but I was frightened and when I told him I was just complimenting his tie he was like

“Oh… okay I thought you were someone else then”

WHO DID YOU THINK I WAS MYSTERY MAN? WHO?! YOUR MOM?! THE SECRET FEDERAL AGENT SOCIETY OF ORANGES?! WHOOOOOO?? I’VE NEVER BEEN MORE CONFUSED MAN-WITH-A-NICE-TIE!

So then I ran away again, and I didn’t want to go past that street again in worrisome that he would suspect me of spying and shooting me with a laser canon the size of a pocket mouse. I’ve seen Men In Black….0

This one time I was home my dad asked me to do the dishes, so I got up, tiresomely, and I did the dishes. I didn’t just do the dishes, but I just put things where they would usually go.

About an hour or so goes by,

And I was on the computer, when I heard my name being called.

“REEEEEEEEEESE”

I got up and followed the voice, which was in the kitchen, my dad was standing next to the cupboard looking at the cups, “Look at the cups, tell me whats wrong” he said.

I went up, and there wasn’t really anything wrong.

Then he said; “the blue and white are mixed! Keep it with blue on the top out of reach and white in the middle cupboard where we can reach it.”

My dads cup racist.

I organized them, but I felt really bad :/

I used to love math, math was like my BITCH I was so amazing at it I was a kid that was high on subtraction and adding... even though I never really got division, I loved to multiply.

Somewhere along the lines (X's and Y's probably) I lost interest and now if someone even bring up math I treat it like the bubonic plague and I try to run from it or act like a crazed cat and scratch the tits out of the question before putting down "the X IS RIGHT HERE" with an arrow.

Or sometimes I answer it with "I DON'T KNOW WHY BILLI WOULD NEED SO MANY PUMPKINS WHAT IS HE GOING TO DO? OPEN UP A THROW THIS SMALLER PUMPKIN AT A BIGGER PUMPKIN?! THAT'S RIDICULOUS HE DOESN'T NEED PUMPKINS LEAVE ME ALONE" I do not understand D:

Math is the only time such ridiculous questions can come up and you have to answer them. A lot of the time, if I didn’t feel like knowing the answer or doing the work I’d write out my own impression of the answer.

Enjoy these few that I found on Google and answered:

Be Nice to Your Printer

So yesterday I was texting my friend, his name is Danny, and we were talking. Talking about raptors, and not just raptors but raptoring up some toast. And not like cutting the toast so it looked like a raptor, but eating the toast LIKE a raptor! Kinda like, NOMNOM NOM GNARSH NOM!

Anyways he didn’t understand and I don’t understand how you cant understand what eating toast like a raptor was. So I took his incompetence as a sign, a sign that he didn’t understand how it was funny.

It was funny because raptors don’t eat toast, raptors are meat-eaters, what I said to him shouldn’t have made sense. But it did, it made sense in a funny way because a raptor eating toast is like barney eating a child. It doesn’t make sense, because barney only molests children, he doesn’t eat them!

He said he understood how it was funny, but if you understand how something is funny you should really type in “lol” afterwards or else you get blogged about. Consider yourself warned. Also I will probably text you back and explain how you’re a terrible person and should really learn to not be so serious.

Serious uni-brow man, remember him? Well that’s people who don’t type “lol”

Another thing is, I wrote a 3000 (almost) worded poem and I wanted to print it off, a 3000 (almost) worded poem is a long ass poem. It was 15 pages long, not just cause it was 3000 (almost) words, but because of the format I put it in! (poetic format) Think Ellen Hopkins, cept on repeat mostly, like her recent book ‘Tricks’. (Product placement isn’t smiled upon and I hate myself I know I know!)

Anyways, so I went to print it off, and I was really tired and I would have printed it off on a heavy duty printer as school… cept I didn’t want to, I wanted to prove I was efficient enough to print it off my really super old printer that looks like an old man. Sounds like one too.

So I clicked buttons and my printer came alive, but it sounded angry, as if I’d woken it up from some 1000 year old sleep, and it was deranged. It started making several other noises, it almost sounded like the devil was manifesting itself in my printer and telling me its unholy bindings were set free and now it would reap ink upon the world.

But in this case I egged the printer on to print off a whole 15 pages worth of writing. It sounded angry and when I tried to say “YAY!” and support it because it was such a good printer… it just got more pissed and pretty much told me to fuck off.

I’m sorry if I offended you printer. Needless to say my printer did excellent and I got the pages printed. I was excited and I kissed my printer (not really, I just blew it a kiss) and I told it that it was excellent and a good printer and I loved it. And I do love my printer. However when I went to turn it off it growled and went back into hibernation, so I’m starting to think I have a bear-devil-printer and its goal in life is to eat me in my sleep.

 And you know how your REALLY thirsty and you go to your kitchen and your all "OH I REALLY WANT A DRINK RIGHT NOW BECAUSE THAT WOULD SUFFICE MY NEEDS OF DRYYYY THROOOAATTTIINEESSSSS AND MY STOMACH AT THE SAME TIME!!!"

However.. sometimes your like; "IM THIRSTY, BUT IM NOT... I NEED SOMETHING TO SUFFICE MY BEING THIRSTY" and you know you just ate or something so you cant have something too heavy, but your also like.. water would be so disgusting right now!

I decided to write about this because i just found myself wandering around my kitchen for 10 minutes trying to decide what liquid to shove down my throat in a terrible attempt to sate that beverage demon inside my throat.

So, i was all like "ahh milk yeah!" but i just ate and milk is really heavy and drinking it is like thick as 10 glasses of water and i'd end up not liking it and my stomach would remain unhappy all like "i just ate why are you torturing me with more half-food liquid that i need to digest with the pizza?? :("

so i decided milk was not okay.

Then i was like "what if i add chocolate to it stomach?"
and it was all like "but its still milk.... i know it'd taste good and the beverage demon would be appeased.. BUT I WILL MAKE YOU THROW UP YOUR INTESTINES BETCH!"

so chocolate milk was out.

notice how im using the elimination process? yeah that DOES come in use.

Moving on... then i was all like "water! water is always okay, especially since i keep a lot of it in the fridge (i need lots of water due to my heart condition since pop isnt really always an option i need water to suffice myself usually as a replacement for sugery drinks...) ANYWAYS, but then i was like "wow water would be so gross right now" because my throat is having a spasm in the back where its like "IF YOU DRINK WATER YOUR GOING TO TASTE DISGUSTINGNESS" and its just unpleasent and unwanted and makes me feel bad.

Water was out of the question because i dont like the unpleasentness.

So then i would have had orange juice... if my dad hadnt drank it all.
I was angry at that.

But then i was like "i could have pop!"
But have you ever had it where it was like "RAGE AGAINST FIZZ"?? thats how i felt, it was a rage against the fizz and i didnt want fizz no matter what. it was like if i fed the beverage demon fizz it'd be okay... but too much fizz would make my stomach hate me for life and possible throwing-up-ness would occur. My stomach is like a fragile kitten, but if it wants to scratch the tits out of me it will!!!

So pop was out.

and then.. IT CAME TO ME! i could still have pop! however! if i didnt want fizz i could just stick icecubes in it! ICECUBES SUCK UP FIZZ AND ADD WATER AND MAKE IT MORE FLAT! but only when the icecubes are half meltedness, then it actually tastes like half-flat pop, and cold too, which makes me happy.

and that is what i was drinking. Half alive pop that was not really appeasing me. The beverage demon however is appeased and my stomach is okay, still quivering because im sure it wants cookies too. But everything is okay otherwise.

slanderbeaking.

Has anyone here seen the new "Rebecca Black Friday" song? SO TERRIBLE, don't even search it up, I watched it and its just terrible, its like listening to an auto-tuned cat with rabies.Not to mention she sings about the most ridiculous stuff, like "Should i sit in the front or back seat?" well the front seats are taken, so your stuck with the back seat bitch. seriously, get in the back. And stop singing, this is why we have radio. And secondly stop dragging your i-pod around to auto-tune everything you say, the school voted; we hate that.

Not to mention she has this whole thing where she tells you the days of the week, what is that?! oh yeah, wait... Thursday comes BEFORE Friday?! what the satanic voodoo witch craft is that?! D: Saturday and Sunday comes afterward? did anyone else realize this?! Thanks Rebecca Black for teaching me something that kindergarten didn't get to enough! However Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday are not in the music video their tribute was known, but were sorry to announce Rebecca black only likes the days between Thursday-Sunday. Because her friends will actually put up with her auto-tune then.

On a different subject, I went up to Ottawa for a week or so, and it was so enjoyable! It was the possible, FIRST time I've ever been on a city bus, and probably not going to be my last. Oh and if your going to the art center make sure you don't bump into old people, they get angry. Very. Easily.

A good game is Fable, so far I've only played the first two, but I'm sure the third one might be good too.
^Product placement is not smiled upon.
^ This means im not happy with my actions.
^I'm sorry to all my viewers who are mad at me now.

Anyways! If i had the ability to grow a mustache whenever i wanted i think i would want a french one. A french stache from the 1800's why? because they could kill everyone. Those things were so hard core.

I would twist it, and make braiding clubs. and everyone would braid my stache as if it were their own.
They would enjoy it too.

Slander-beaking: i heard it from a Ke$ha video, don't be mad, i really don't like her. No really, i don't. But i thought the word was funny, so i was like "that should be my new title" and it is. so :D yay. They might not have even said slander-beaking either. they might have just said "slander-speaking" or "squid." or maybe "Chuck Norris likes unicorns too" in a fashion that is only the ut-most importance and seriousness.


Anyways, i figured you should all know i ran into a hobo on the street. And it wasn't like "HAHA i want to take this hobo home with me and keep him as a pet" which is how i first felt when i met my first hobo, he was awesome.
It was more like "OMG SO SCARED" when i met this one, cause he had two broken legs and I'm pretty sure he was blind in one eye and he kept saying "so you live in canada eh? Well i hope you kow everytime you take a step theres three feet from one foot to the other! And i bet you've never been to the Bahama's!" And it was like, just cause I'm Canadian doesn't mean i hadn't been to the Bahama's! However... No i hadn't been to the bahama's so.. well played hobo.

No he didn't actually have an eye patch, if he did i wouldn't be 'Slander-beaking' his way.

Background? A Little Bit.

Well I come from a very messed up background. My mother lives about 2 hours away (my parents are still married) and I live with my dad two hours from that location in Ontario Canada. Yes I am Canadian.

I'm a psycho ginger child, I'm 16 as of today YAAAY! Unfortunately something ruined it, so it's not YAAAY! Its more like

Y'see?
AT ANY RATE... I'm 16, so I can leave my house. But i can't drive, not just yet, UNFORTUNATLY could you imagine me behind the wheel of a car?! How many DEATHS there'd be!? Not on purpose.. but.. maybe a little bit.
I THINK ITS TIME FOR PLACES WHERE YOU CAN SPOT UNICORNS!

1. Ponds
2. Near large quantities of Mac'n'Cheese
3. Under your Keyboard! :D
4. Sock drawer
5. In the grasses of Pokemon Games

I feel the need to add that "Very Special Chocolates" (yeah that's what their called) are mothercrackin DELICIOUS!
It's like shellfish, in the SHAPE OF CHOCOLATES! :D IF YOU HAVE A NUT ALLERGY THOUGH YOU'LL DIE IF YOU EAT THEM! :D

I like glass cleaner, it makes things run into my closed doors :)

Mulroney didn't leave to do anything political, he left to go have a last minute orgy! :D (refere to politics of the 19th century)

I feel the need to add what a nerd I am! I BLOG I think that's a good indicator! D: Oh an F IS FOR FLIPPIN EXCITED FOR SCHOOL TOMORROW
U IS FOR UNICORN-I-LAY-LY!
N IS FOR NINJA ATTACKS!!! OVER AT MY SCHOOL ON MONDAY! :D

I thought that was a good time to put that in, speaking of time, anyone wish they could bend it? I do... I wish I could, I would stop time and draw mustaches on EVERYONE! :D And not just mustaches... OH I WOULD CHANGE PEOPLES CLOTHES... but it'd be weird if I couldn't control it then I'd be caught while taking someones pants off at their knees.

I guess thats good that i don't have powers then :D

If you ask all my friends i'm insane, but if you ask ME! I'm totally normal, I'm so normal it's terrifying, are you terrified yet? No? Not even if i hold a steak knife? :D SORRY THATS FOR PARTY PURPOSES

Didn't mean to get sexual... Christian side hug? :D OKAY!

I like fried carrots.

I'm A Blogger?

Hello, I'm Reezy, for those of you wondering, no that's not my real name, it's a nickname. I don't believe in posting my ACTUAL name for the following reasons.

1. You might be a creeper who's 80-years old and looking to molest an innocent little girl like myself.
2. Grandpa get off your computer and stop looking at little girls' blogs. I've told you once, maybe three million times, they don't like your candy and probably never will.
I'm turning 16 in a bout two days, if you want to wish me a happy birthday, don't. I didn't start this last week so I don't want any 'HAPPY SWEET SIXTEENS' it's just not proper. Maybe in a week you can all wish me one. Except it'll have to be; 'HAPPY LATE SWEET SIXTEEN' cause your late.
If it makes you feel ANY better, I'm not doing this to be famous, or get money like 'Hyperbole-and-a-Half' which I read religiously; but i am doing this because I feel the need to spread my awesomeness to other people. If this ever became my occupation I might feel an eternal sadness within myself, no offense to all you people who think blogging would be an awesome career choice. We as a society need people like you to lead the younger generations though the actual events of awesomeness.
For example, I'm beginning to hate being criticized for being different or weird. So I'm raising awareness for all those people who didn't get a hug today. That from Reezy; and you can tell your friends this: you got a hug from me and now you probably feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

If you must know, I'm not one to blog, not even a little. But i got tired of writing journals that i decided i needed a blog to satisfy my needs. I'm no longer going to write journals, I'll probably write a final farewell to those people who loved my journals, well not that many people did. However I'll have to put up the link to this blog.
For some reason I felt like narrating that, I have absolutely no idea. Want to know why? Because those people who I link this to are going to be like
"YAY! I GET TO READ HER BLOG NOW!"
and when they get there it'll turn into:
"THIS IS ABOUT MEEEEE I FEEL SPECIAL!"
stop feeling special, your no different than everyone else who found my blog on their own. :D

I'm very cynical when it comes to talking to people, I would like you to know none of you are special cases.

You know today I was so bored on the bus I decided to come up with the definition to the word: "Cryptic" why? I have no idea.
But this is my definition.

See this is NOT copying Hyperbole-and-a-Half... in a way it is cause like I said I read it religiously, but honestly.... sometimes I might actually use images i find from Google, and I have NO idea how to screen-shot, now the above picture is supposed to be a joke.

But clearly you're not laughing, so the joke isn't funny.

At any rate, I feel the need to throw in a random zombie apocalypse invasion scenario here.

10 places not to be when a zombie Apocalypse happens:

1. Hitch Hiking along the road.
2. At the school during a fire drill
3. Mowing your lawn with a really loud mower
4. Playing COD (Call Of Duty(online(With headset)))
5. Any type of concert
6. Funeral. Of a celebrity, or president.
7. Bathroom of Wal-Mart (why I say Wal-Mart instead of anywhere else is because its busy there even after 3 AM)
8. Playing Freeze-tag
9. Watching NONSTOP LOTR (Lord of The Rings)
10. China.

I agree with all of those, and so does my mother, who just brought me chinese food, which I 'LOL'd' at.
I think this is all very good for a first post, I'm still hoping people will read, EVEN IF I DON'T WANT TO BE FAMOUS (which everyone secretly does in case if you didn't ninja your way through reading between the lines :) )

One last thing, DRAGONS AND PHOENIX'S WILL ALWAYS WIN. If you do not believe me, then find all the Greek mythology and recent myth creatures you can and have a war with your friends on facecrack(facebook). Because it gets very intense. There's light saber fights, and ninja stars, and sometimes WWIII happens, it's just really fucked up :) But Reezy recommends it. For example: ask a friend, "Doppelganger or Nymph" or "Phoenix or Dragon". WWIII isn't funny.